Lee County Families First offers a range of programs to help families in the area at its headquarters in The Family Resource Center. Some of the staff include, from left, Belvia Giachelli, Extension Family Life Educator; Anelese Holt, Executive Director; and Martha Warren, Domestic Violence Coordinator.

Night had fallen, and *Stacey’s husband was ready to head off to his job. Part of his routine before going to work was making sure Stacey was secure in their home. Secure, but not in the sense most people might think.
He routinely tied Stacey to the bed to make sure she wouldn’t leave him while he was gone. Many times he would threaten her, even beat her, to make sure she wouldn’t leave.

This night, though, it was worse. He tied Stacey to the bed, and then, for extra measure, started beating her. With a padlock in his fist, he lashed out at her wildly. The strikes across her face and head broke her nose. The punches she took in the chest broke her ribs. She knew if she didn’t find a way to escape death might be her only way out.

Picture this scene, maybe not as bad, maybe worse, occurring somewhere in the United States every 12 seconds, and you get an idea how pervasive domestic violence is. Fact is, it happens in Tupelo and Lee County to a degree many people might not want to imagine.

Domestic violence is a crime that affects up to 50 percent of women in America, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Further, almost 25 percent of surveyed women and 7.6 percent of surveyed men in the United States admit to being raped or forcibly assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or someone with whom they were on a date, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey. Domestic violence is, according to other statistics, the leading cause of injury to women, even more so than car accidents, rapes and muggings combined.

Even more sad, though, is many victims of domestic violence – both female and male – don’t know where to turn for help or don’t do so for other reasons. In Tupelo, Lee County and Northeast Mississippi, however, help is just a phone call away.

S.A.F.E., Inc., and Lee County Families First Inc./The Family Resource Center both serve families in Lee and surrounding counties. S.A.F.E. (Shelter and Assistance in Family Emergencies) primarily focuses on ending domestic abuse and offering support to victims. Lee County Families First offers domestic abuse support, as well as a host of other programs designed to help promote healthy family units.

S.A.F.E., Inc., was launched in 1979 to provide services to victims and the children of victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Since then the organization has grown to include an eight-bedroom shelter offering food, clothing, safe temporary housing and transportation.

Lee Counties Families First opened in 1994, with a focus on parent education, said Anelese Holt, Executive Director. Since then, the organization has grown into a multi-faceted group, offering a wealth of services centered on strengthening the family, helping families in need, and giving children the best possible start in life.

Someone who is in a domestic violence situation might understandably be leery of the effectiveness of such programs, or unsure they’ll really be safe once they seek shelter. Seeing evidence of others’ lives being changed may help.Stacey’s storyBeing beaten, forced to use drugs, hearing her children verbally berated and having her life threatened were all part of Stacey’s daily routine. Exacerbating the situation, her husband had her addicted to drugs, intensifying his control over her. She finally escaped after he beat her with the lock.

Stacey entered drug rehab, and has been clean since. It was after leaving treatment she met another man, someone she’d previously known. Before long, they were a couple. Within a year, though, the cycle of violence began again.
“He went back on drugs, and he would come in, accuse me of having someone in the house (while he was gone), and hit me and jump on me,” she said. The abuse escalated to the point where Stacey could take no more.

“I went to the police station, and they brought me [to S.A.F.E.],” Stacey said. “I didn’t know about it before. In my previous marriage I was abused for about a year, and I didn’t know there was a place to go, so I just dealt with it. If I’d known about S.A.F.E. back then (during her first abusive marriage), I wouldn’t have put up with it.”

Stacey found herself caught in the vicious cycle of domestic abuse twice. She doesn’t intend on there being a third time. In order to make sure the cycle is broken, though, a victim and his or her children need long-term counseling and help.

Families first

Martha Warren coordinates the Domestic Violence Project at Lee County Families First. In its two years of existence, Warren has a 100 percent success rate of helping battered women and their children live away from the abuser.

“If they enter the intensive program, I am able to walk with them for a period of up to two years or more to make sure they have daily encouragement and the help they need,” Warren said. “We get them the medical help they need; we get them into counseling. I’m literally in touch with them every day, at first.”

In 2004 alone, some 15 families have sought help through Lee County Families First’s Domestic Violence Project intensive program. All told, some 30 individuals and families have sought some level of help this year in dealing with and escaping abusive partners and situations.

Quite possibly the biggest reward for Warren and others at Lee County Families First/The Family Resource Center is knowing they have impacted the lives of others in a positive way. Letters of thanks and praise help to encourage the encouragers. One such letter Warren received stated, in part:

A thank you note written on the Wall of Thanks serves as testimony of the success that can be found through the Family Resource Center.

“I had been in an abusive relationship for about four years, Once the abuse began to affect my children, I opened my eyes finally and decided this was the year to make a change. So I left the abuse and marriage. . . . I went to a shelter, which was a very big step for me. I did not want to become a statistic or a homeless mother. Through the shelter I was referred to parenting classes at the Family Resource Center. I must admit that I was not too thrilled about that. I didn’t think I needed classes but I was very wrong.

“After about two or three classes I began to enjoy them and truly learn what I needed to do to help my children cope with the abuse and the loss of their family. I was very impressed with Ms. Sheila Davis because she doesn’t sugar coat the facts and she didn’t allow me to wallow in self pity.

“I was then introduced to Mrs. Martha Warren. . . . Ms. Martha supported me from the very get go! Miss Martha counseled with me on finances, jobs, relationships and much more. When I left and went into the shelter I left with absolutely nothing. Miss Martha helped me start over by helping me find a place to live and then finding all the furniture, food and clothing. Most of all she was always there to support me even after hours. I was never made to feel like I was just another statistic or case file. I don’t know how I would have made it through the past year without such a wonderful support system. . . . I thank God daily for bringing the Center into my life. . . .”

Seeking help

Most of the people who seek S.A.F.E.’s services come by way of the Tupelo Police Department, located at 220 Front Street. To keep S.A.F.E’s location secure, victims are only brought in by the police department. There is no time limit placed upon how long a victim can stay at S.A.F.E.’s shelter, and S.A.F.E. does not charge victims anything for the service.

Likewise, many people who come to The Family Resource Center are referred there by the Mississippi Department of Human Services, the schools or the hospital. But both agencies accept walk-ins; no one with a need is going to be turned away. Most of the programs offered by Lee County Families First are free. The organizations are able to provide these services thanks to generous government, state and foundation grants and gifts of corporations and individuals, but could always use more help.

There are literally thousands of women and children thankful to S.A.F.E. and Lee County Families First for giving them help when they needed it most. There are many who may be debating making that first phone call for help. Stacey recommends they don’t wait any longer.

“The first time he hits you, make it the last,” she said. “If they say it won’t happen again, don’t fool yourself; it always happens again. The hits get harder and harder; the abuse gets worse and worse, until one day, you’re not going to be there anymore. It might start out with a slap, but that’s a hit. A man who hits you . . . you don’t need to be with him.”